Yesterday while at coffee I bumped into my friend’s husband, had he not come up to me and explain that he was in a business brunch with that blonde he was with I wouldn’t have noticed him. He looked rather cosy for someone who was in a business brunch, anyway none of my business. His explanation took me aback; it reminded me of a girl we were in school with, Nomfundo I wonder what she’s up to nowadays.
She was a few years older than most of us in our class, it became a culture of ours to gather around her during our breaks to have a s sip from that cup of wisdom which she always had, in cornucopia. One day while we were going on about the types of relationships we saw ourselves in, she was on her ‘listen to me girls I am older than you, I know a lot more ‘ she continued saying “girls let me tell you something, if by the time I’m 35 I m not married chances are I will be seeing someone else’s husband, because the guys my age would either be married, divorced or in committed relationships “’.
Can you imagine the horrific expressions on our teen faces, how dare she even say it out loud, God forbid…
Fast forward I’m few years shy of 35 but I wish I could find her and tell her how I now understand what she meant by that declaration of hers. I understand that love comes in different forms but as time passes I am beginning to think that maybe, just maybe monogamy is not really achievable. A while ago when asked about his view(s) on monogamy, Akon responded with this:
“The average guy in the world has a main girl as well as a side chick. And then he has to jump off .At the end of the day as a male you are a natural breeder by nature .You can’t even escape it if you want it, and woman need to take more time to understand how men are built”
While he was not speaking on behalf of all men, I have at least lived long enough to understand that there was an element of understanding this whole men behaviour from my friend Nomfundo.Whether my friend was morally right or wrong it seems the older one gets the more likely they will date someone who is spoken for. Now I don’t have a scientific research to back this up, however I do have lived experiences, mine or those of my friends it will take me forever to list all of them here.
But is it not time we consider polygamy perhaps? because at the end of it all no one wants to be single forever, right?
I asked another friend of mine this his take was , maybe it is time for women to be that open but polygamy should be done in an unstructed way so that people don’t get to abuse it. I know right, I am still trying to figure out what he meant exactly. I then asked him about some western societies where infidelity is not frowned upon but embraced . In this very continent of ours infidelity is almost woven into the fabric of the institution of marriage with most married woman turning a blind eye to their husband’s sexual activities. I mean if one were to think as far back as in the bible days polygamy was the order of the day, mistresses were a standard, are we not trying to achieve the unattainable by insisting on monogamous relationships?
Yes, yes monogamous relationships have more benefits like:
1. It can serve as a preventative measure against sexually transmitted diseases ( don’t ask me how)
2. It creates some sort of security to a certain extent
I don’t know how it is for men, but as a woman I am at a point where I am nearly tired of explaining why I am single. Should I go ahead and tell people that I don’t think I have it in me to be everything to one person, and wouldn’t mind sharing the responsibilities with another woman?(crazy right?). My upright friends will be quick to tell me how morally wrong that this thought is, after all there is one person for each one of us, it is an equal society after all is it not?
One man – one woman right?,
So what do I do when I get to Nomfundo’s age single ,surrounded by somewhat attached suitors?