…What kind of love is this….

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ours go way back, I think I loved you long before I knew you existed

the first time I heard your name it sounded oh so magical

it was  not like any other name I have ever heard before,

I knew from then on that you and I belonged,

As a teenager I toyed around the idea of being with you,

( early bloomer,, I know right) it must have been all the wonderful  things I would hear about you,

I’ve known people we met you once and everything about them changed

Their steps would immediately take a different bounce

They would carry themselves differently

You seemed to have a way of bringing about positive change to those who have an encounter with you

it was not that kind of change that I admired about you, for me it felt deeper than that,

my heart told me there were certain things that I could only get from you,

like with all the major decisions in my life , my dad was the first person I told about you,

you know how he is he didn’t like you much, I didn’t want to push it,

I knew the only person who could get through him was my mom so I told her ,

ha ha  guess what she said, “Anyone but him, not him, no never,

you know when hands are up in the head it’s not good,

So  I let that slide for a while, I was not about to give up on you,

Friends I went to varsity/tech  with told me all about your awesomeness,

at times it felt like an exaggeration , but I would dream about the two of us being together.

Eventually it happened, for I brief moment we met

When I  first laid my eyes on you it was on a Friday night,

you came as advertised ,but I said to myself ” don’t let the lights blind you, wait for the morning”

The morning came and you were even brighter than you were during the night time,

let’s just say I could see you more clearer

the weekend ended we had to part ways

I think that’s when I left my heart in your hands as I headed back home

I knew I would come for you one day,,,

As I grew so did the longing to be with you…

Life Happened as it should, I felt like a stranger in my home town

I felt like I was suffocating,

Like I was living in someone else’s body

and I knew then that it was time you and I gave it a try,

in the midst of pain ,you welcomed me  and promised a better tomorrow,

I had no reason to doubt you ,I dived in whole heartedly

it was with you that I got to slowly come out of my shell ,

I got to meet the most interesting people when I was with you ,

some complained that you had changed me,

I watched myself grow because you allowed me to,

sometime it felt like I was over indulging, but you my love!  the perfect gentleman that you are

You would whisper ‘I got you’ ,reminding me that there was still more to explore,

I wonder though, did you? Did you really have my back?

The past three years you have taken soo much from me, much more  than you have ever given in our seven years together,

they say” Love is unconditional ,selflessness….

Was it Shakespeare who said :

Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved

Look when I met you I had already passed the nativity stage so it’s not like I expected a bed of roses, but would that have been so wrong?

Some say ‘just take time apart from each other things will work out’ I am asking you

will things work out ,will the absence make the heart grow fonder?

I know there are some who are still coveting the idea of being with you,

will you be kinder to them in the end, I have never imagined the end,

I thought you and I will grow old together , was I wrong?

Should we maybe try a Carrie Bradshaw and a Mister Bigs arrangement

you know keeping the old apartments etc, do you think that could work?

I am not a quitter, I am fighter, so tell me what should I do, are you worth fighting for?

The thing is I don’t know where I will go if I leave you,

maybe I shouldn’t tell the whole world about us, but ours is an open relationship,

I know you have others who like you as much as I do or more,

the thing is I really wanted to build a home with you, did I ask for much,?

Were my dreams too big? How could that be though , when I know you have more than enough for all of us,

Some say if I can’t make it work with you ,I will never make it work ever

maybe I haven’t given it my all, maybe I haven’t stretched myself enough,,,

I know you have a lot of admirers and that you should, you are not the most gorgeous of all, full of promises,

you have a charm so admirable it lured me towards you,

do you know how many fans you have?some have given you different names ,

some names are from a place of endearment, some just circular and cheesy,

do you think if I had given you a name I would be singing a different tune now?

But those who have been with you before me have already done that,,,

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Johannesburg , Jozi , Maboneng, eGoli,Gautini,Gauteng, Joburg,Kwandonga ziyaduma,

Some of your lovers have written songs about you,

love songs

songs of regret

Poems have been penned about you,

I ask though ,

is this how it ends for you and me?

I’m not ready, you should have atleast prepared me…

Being truly alive means staying in the present and effortlessly adjusting to whatever comes next
But what is NEXT for you and me?
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4 thoughts on “…What kind of love is this….

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