This morning I woke up to a lovely text from a very dear friend of mine, it read:
“I just read your blog, I wish I could read your experiences, thoughts and, and every day. I’d like to get more meat on the ‘I’m a believer but still figuring some things out’ part”
Life is beautiful and it is strange at the same time. I might have mentioned this before but I will say it again, a lot of what or who we become is shaped mostly by our beliefs and upbringing.
The above text from my friend is making reference to my most recent post (http://wp.me/p424yn-5S/before the rooster crows).I will attempt to give the “I am a believer but still figuring things out “more meat as my friend suggested. As I do that I would like to put a disclaimer forward first.
My blog is very personal as the tag line suggests what I write about is my personal experiences and thoughts, they may not be as thought provoking as I would like but I am owning up they are mine nonetheless.
When I say I am a believer I mean:
I believe that there is a God. I also believe that none of us are here (on earth) by mistake. I also believe that God is all knowing and all powerful. I also believe that much as we can control our thoughts some of the things that find their way in our minds we cannot always rheostat. What I mean by this is while we are in total control of our behavior(s) sometimes we find ourselves battling with the same question over and over without really finding an answer. However if we take that very same thing that keep us awake at night, chop it up into bantam sizable chunks slowly the answer gets revealed to us. When I say I am a believer I mean God has planted in all of us whatever it is that we need in order to fully develop to that which we were meant to be or become. When I say I am a believer I acknowledge that where I am from donates a finer role in who I am becoming. I believe that all human beings are as significant whether you were born in an island somewhere or a village you being here, however little you have a contribution to make.
In my attempt to answer my friend my text read as follows:
“The current struggle for me is if I say I am not a believer it might be translated into something like:’OK so you mean to tell us that you defying your upbringing? Which I’m not. But the more ndikhula the more I grasp that there are no clear cuts. This belief thing becomes too personal to put it in one clearly marked box”
I am not trying to take away anything from what my parents have taught me about religion they did the best they could, given what they knew and still know, however I am now realising that God is way too big to be classified in one way and one way only. No one can really claim to know him in his entirety. I believe that it is totally okay for all of us to believe whatever we chose to believe, we don’t have to believe in the same things, as long as what you believe in does no harm to the person next to you. As long as what you believe in doesn’t require you to put other people on a dais. As long as what you believe in doesn’t make you think that you are better than others by virtue of your belief. As long as you don’t feel the need to force it upon others.
“If someone isn’t what others want them to be the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” Paulo Coelho.
Figuring things out. Really?
I suppose life is all about that – figuring things out. But why would I associate reckoning things out with religion or spirituality? I suppose when I churched too much than I do now I somewhat felt like that’s all there was to life. Maybe I placed so much faith in my fellow believers to a point where, when my life took a turn for the worse I expected one or two to hold my hand. It was very unfair of me I acknowledge that now. When I looked around me I could not find any fellow believer but my family and a few close friends a bunch of which happened to be nonChristians.
That’s when I got to know that God is not attached to a certain church, and that it takes life experiences for one to define what or who God is. Your sister cannot do it for you, your mother will try but she won’t do it for you, your father may hold your hand pray with you and for you but he still won’t do it for you.Friends will try and define him in their own understanding but even that will not do it for you.God will be to you only what you want him to be…
So when I say I am figuring things out I mean just that I truly am. When asked a friend why he is always forever calm about things he said.
“ I try as much as I can to have a spirit of gratitude, maybe this found its premise on a popular saying in my home country which says ,’No one has nothing and only a few have too much ‘so I try as much as I can to lead a clutter free life”.
While I am in that process I am learning that a clear and independent thinking will get me half way there. I am learning to accept that we all are different and therefore we will believe in different things and that it is totally okay…