Things married people say to their single friends…

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The most exciting season has sprung, at least this side of the world that is the wedding season. I love weddings because I love dressing up I love to see people exchanging vows, there is something that is just oh so lovely about it, promising each other forever(s) and tomorrow(s), it’s beautiful. This weekend, yesterday to be exact, I together with two friends of mine attended a friend’s wedding – Beautiful from A-Z. Its twothousandandfourteenright, things and times have evolved, our aunties and uncles know better than to ask that most dreaded question—“So when are we attending yours?”

It seems as if the license to ask that awful question has been passed on to young couples. Attend a wedding or speak to one or two married people and I mean about anything and everything and you are bound to be served with unsolicited advice, packed with lots of dole out opines.

I can’t recall all the speeches from last night’s reception, but I do recall hearing one wise lady from Cape Town (Yes that’s right my homey, we have a lot of them wise ones from that side of the world) giving advice to the newlyweds. She mentioned something about the couple making their own kind of marriage, and not to allow other people’s notions of how marriage should be deter theirs. I thought that was deep, and with that I would like to urge all married people to STOP shoving their ideals on other people. STOP It’s not cool and I am not HATING (maybe I am who knows?)

When we complain to you about how tired we are of being single and how we want it to end as in pronto. STOP SAYING:

  1. 1. You’ll find someone special soon. It’ll happen when you stop looking. Are you kidding me? Is this wisdom or what? Let’s get this right, I am single and sort of looking and I tell you about my frustrations of being single, and the best that you can come up with is that I should STOP looking, really? What single person who wants to meet someone isn’t looking? And why does finding someone special has to be a magical solution that will just happen? And what if is it doesn’t happen soon? We understand you trying to keep us buoyant, but please stop it with your condescending callous advice it’s not welcomed.

annd

When we share with you the ups and downs of the dating world STOP IT with these

2. “I’m so happy that I don’t have to date anymore!” You single people put up with a lot of BS.STOP it, this will just make us reiterate with an even worse rudeness to that of yours, and remind you of all the mess that you had to deal with before you became a Mrs. We might also think that you are envious of us meeting a whole lot of new and exciting characters out there.

We get it, you are now an item, your vocabulary will comprise of more plural words when referring to you and your partner we get that and we are happy for you ,but keep doing this and you will lose us as friends sooner that you can pronounce the word us:

  1. “My husband and I were thinking blah … my wife and I are planning this anniversary trip and I can’t decide if we should go to space or Seventy seven Seasons in Thailand. Partner did the funniest thing the other day…” my husband and I Bluh blah haa… Oh my goodness…okay we get it you are probably in that honeymoon phase of completing your significant other’s sentences. It’s beautiful we love it.You eat from the same plate with one fork feeding each other, do it as often as you can we love it. No it’s not annoying if anything it’s very much exciting to hear and see this, it floats our boats as singles.
  2. “I know this great person I want to set up you up with. He moved back to staying with parents after divorce #3 that left him broke, he then turned to gambling is nothing you can’t handle,hes has about ¾ garnishee orders. What’s important though is that he’s single too and actively looking?” Seriously?? Is this the part where we laugh because crying will just be too much? Are you seriously going to try and set us up with anything that has breath and a pulse, just so we can fit in your league of married couples? STOP it.We are single and looking but not willing to settle, like you did.

5.“I wish I had more free time, like you.” Married people say this while frantically running to the dry cleaners to pick up their partner’s work clothes or attending family’s events on both sides, to worrying about dinner menus. Excuse us single people, what more free time are you referring to here? We could easily pull a “but at least you have help, two incomes, in-laws to help with baby-sitting, homework etc.” We don’t leave a life of leisure either, have you disremembered how much work dating is, it could easily count as a full time job you know. From googling our potentials to stalking them on all social media channels. STOP, we have more work than you.

  1. “I can’t make it to your birthday party because I’m so busy with (married life things).” Excuse me but getting married does not excuse you from continuing to attend social functions of your single friends. With that said, we understand that you have more in-law family obligations but sana at times you will need to coordinate, compromise with your significant other in terms of choosing things to go to, that is if you value your friendship with us. Just show up, suck it up we do too when we attend yours.
  2. “You weren’t invited because I didn’t think you’d want to be around other couples.” You think you are being thoughtful by not subjecting us to feeling lonely, jealous, or bored. Go ahead make our day offend us some more we love it. If you really thought about it, you’d know that a close single friend will want the option of being included in your plans and is perfectly capable of enjoying a night out with friends, couples or not.
  3. “I didn’t invite you with a date, even though you started seeing someone.” Good job, I mean we would want more than have our potential chased away by gazillion questions of, “So are you serious about her?”, “Has she met your mom yet? “Also we don’t think you are cheap and therefore cutting on your budget by eliminating plus ones. We could never thank you enough for this, we see it as a great opportunity to meet other single guys, you know the things that single- I – have – started- dating people do.
  4. “You’re too picky. That’s why you haven’t met anyone.” Do you really think it’s helpful to point this out? Wait are we missing something here, we seem to be the only ones blind to that revolving door loaded with potential suitors. We may be ending relationships with people because they’re too loud, too quiet, too angry, too boring, too nice, too short, too awkward or too controlling. Okay fine we maybe a little picky just a little, we not looking for perfection, but we do know what is perfect for us, and it may differ from your ideal, allow us to be picky then.

are uu

 

“Maybe you should join a running club or put yourself out more if you really want to meet someone.” This is usually said in response to a single friend when complaining about how they are not meeting anyone. My friend A was once told that she does not smile enough with the brothers in church, added to that was how she was not praying enough, and another reference made to number 1 above.

dear

We get it, going about the same routines and spending time with the same people is not helpful for meeting new romantic prospects. We promise we won’t be as picky so that we can spare you the trouble of trying to fix us up Having said that, it’s easier said than done and coming from a married person, such advice often comes off as smug, so please don’t say it, fight the edge don’t give in, don’t say it especially when we are not asking for your counsel.

Thank you…

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3 thoughts on “Things married people say to their single friends…

  1. Thanks for writing this. More of us need to open up out this form of accepted discrimination, if not abuse.
    As a writer, I honestly wish I could be alone more often. I see a husband in my future and life, but not as a worry I need to believe will never happen; I am not in a rush to do so in order to look more “normal” or to make babies for babies’ sake. Of course marriage would be a nice gift, like a mansion. The problem is most people can not understand how, in the same way I love my home and live life to the fullest in it even though it is not a mansion, I could love my life and live it to the fullest without being married.

    People need to one-up or “trump” each other in order to balance out their own inner quandaries; someone adds 10 pounds no one else sees or gives up on their dream to be a pop star, so they need to scour others around for similar presumed imperfections just to experience relief about their own. Single people are almost like smokers, as easy targets for others’ with such needs: categories of personhood whose presumed imperfection is not only public and visual, but also not unpolitically correct to comment upon or criticize or even attack. You could never call a pregnant woman “fat” even if she is far beyond a healthy weight, but it is societally permissible for people like you describe to tell a single woman to lose weight to up her chances of catching a man. I like your humorous take on this, and you are not the only one wondering where these people’s manners are. I had to learn to feel sorry for the trance they’re in.

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