Looks could be deceiving and so do blogpost titles. I know internet is not that interested in what I have to say or share but I will do it anyway, you know just for the fun of it.
This morning I woke up missing my son I know he’s enjoying his time at my parent’s and he doesn’t miss JHB,I know this because when I called him and told him that he has to be back next week so we can do a week of reading before schools re open he went like’ what reading and there was some…silence….then gotta go mom talk to you later’.
That brought me to a trivial awakening of how bad a parent I can be at times. I remember a few years ago coming from church conversing with a bunch of ladies. You know how amazing it is to talk especially if you not a mom yet , like how much of an high achiever you are and have been all your life, like how you have always known how everything will turn out(Know anyone like that? I know me too…) can’t help but love such people.
–the-I-will-be-a-perfect-mom-no-matter-what-I-don’t-understand-how-you-people-are-not-getting-it-its-soo-easy.Anyway back to that after church tête-à-tête with my fellow sisters in Christ one particular lady was sharing on how she will be the best mom like ever and how her kids will behave – ‘’You know my daughter will be playing with her older brother, they will try to fight over toys. Never not in my house, because my husband and I would raise them so well they will not fight but correct each other in a divine way, so the boy will try to be a boy (you know grab this toy and that doll from his sister) the girl will be on some – “No stop it in the name of Jesus, Don’t you know what’s written in Isaiah 56 verse 1? Need I remind you about Romans1 4:10 – 12?
There I was palm faced thinking how could I have sucked this much, here was a woman who was far from being a mom, yet she had all her ducks in a row way ahead…damn.
So while I’m missing my son I needed to do some introspection and arrived at this – I owe my son 1001 apologies like seriously, where shall I begin?
1.Remember when you were about 36 months old you asked for a puppy and mommy got you one?You then termed i
t him Nicky, I thought it was a weird name for a male dog. However that was not the reason you found it missing when you came back from visiting granny and grandpa. It didn’t disappear mommy gave it away, I’m sorry. I just grew tired of cleaning after Nicky and buying all that expensive dog food I’m sorry.
2. Remember when we were staying in Buccleuch and you would ask me to bring you sweets and crisps from work every day? They were not from work, Truth is I would buy a bulk from Makro, keep it at home, take one with me every morning and bring it back as if I got it from work. Yes remember one morning you almost caught me… I’m sorry…
3. I am sorry that you know more about Super heroes, computer games, fantasy books than you probably know about your Clan and the origin of your name and everything else in between. I promise I will find time to teach you about these things.
4. Remember when you asked me what the S… Word is because you heard me and your friend’s mom having a conversation, we used a lot of the S word and other words. Well it’s not really about Sugar but I will let you find that out on your own, believe me you don’t want to know that now…And yes you right I did not Buy you like I claim to, that’s just what my parents told me when I was your age asking the same question. I’m sorry But I am not about to tell you otherwise even though we both know you know the truth.
5. I am sorry I accidentally broke Patrick’s arm and acted all surprised when you showed it to me. I swear it was an accident. I’m sorry.
6. I am sorry I went overboard in helping you with your most recent science project. I know I ,know it shouldn’t be about me, but I was not about to be the odd mom out, like I did with the first one, remember you were the only one who didn’t bring enough eats for the entire class to taste , I’m sorry I promise next time you on your own Son!
7. I am sorry, I pray about this every day, remember when they were operating on you in Feb you screamed “oh my God mom he just took out my brain, all of it make him stop” I know it wasn’t funny if anything it was very somber but you were so funny in how you said that amidst pain and fear. I’m really sorry I hope I won’t go to hell for this. Sometimes when mom sees you in pain and feeling helpless she laughs so that you don’t sense the fright within her.
8. I am sorry I did hide butternut, broccoli and other nice veggies inside your yoghurt when you were about 30 months old. What a mom to do when all you could eat was yoghurt? I had to find a system to feed you those veggies, I’m sorry I know it tasted horrible. Oh Sorry for referring to your age in months I know you abhor that, I just do it for the amusement of it sometimes … I’m sorry.
9. I am sorry I know you totally believe that mom is Omniscience, well she isn’t not entirely. Like when you told me about that girl in class who keeps thumping you, hiding your crayons and persistently want to play marbles with and you don’t know what to do because you can’t hit her back because she is a girl, and you don’t want to play marbles with her but you don’t know how to tell her. Remember I told you she does all of that because she really likes you? Well I just said that because I really didn’t know what to tell you…See I am-not-all-knowing-after-all. I am sorry.
10. I am sorry I let you play at McDonald’s almost all the time more than any other places. I promise it has less to do with their free one hour Wi-Fi .I just think it’s convenient, I can browse the net, write while you play. I am sorry I promise when things get better I will take you to other places as well.
I will leave it here for now hope the internet will convey the message to you….