out of shape

Bent out of shape by external factors?? Really?


The more things change the more they stay the same. I have been jammed in my place for far too long it seems. Since when did the game change? I don’t know what I was hoping would be different but somehow I expected a transformation of some sort. But No, firstly I stood out like a sore thumb in the way I was dressed most of these women appeared not to feel the cold as they strutted in their knickers look alike outfits, maybe just maybe their hearts were in the Durban July mode they just happen to be here in Johannesburg physically who can blame them. I ordered my coffee as per usual and the guys sitting across us could not contain their disbelief so one of them took it upon himself to address this misbehavior of mine. ’Ow sisi you should try whiskey it will warm your body much faster than 5 cups of coffee.’ Is that supposed to be a pick up line? I wondered as I continue to give him a blank gawp, to that, one of my friends responded by plodding on my feet from under the table. Poor guy slowly walked back to his table, but not before he could tell me that should I want to consider that drink I should just let him know.

’You see why you will remain single till Jesus returns? Asked my friend and I was like ‘what? So it was really a pick up line? No he just wanted to buy us drinks said my friend. OH I see so me being here automatically defaults me to ‘single – available- and looking for a guy to buy me and my friends drinks?’ No friend seriously it’s just a drink and if you ask me I think he was being nice. To that I responded with “No it’s never just a drink or being nice, if I accept the drink eventually we will all move to that table, his friends will try to hit on you even though they don’t like you they will hit nonetheless just to keep the conversation going. At the end of the night he will expect me to end up at his apartment in Midrand because he bought drinks for you – my friends. We will sit in his room while all of you will be driving home and ruminating on what a good night it was, that time I will be bored out of my skull from his immature conversation about how big he has made it.Two years will pass and we will be spending all our Sunday afternoons at this boring place doing the same thing, except by then he will feel pressured to pay Lobola because he will be thinking that’s what I want. We will be driving to Limpopo to meet his family and I will be nervous the entire journey thinking, will they like me, will they think I am pretty smart enough the truth is I will never be.


My friends ruptured out laughing and said I watch too many movies and I over analyses things. The truth is we have made it so easy for men, not that it should be hard. However what happened to guys dating girls so they can get to know them better, get to know what they like, what primary school they attended, how their childhood was. “My friend there is no time for that it’s so old fashioned” I don’t think so I just think if we are not too desperate to be in situationships so we can tick certain boxes in our lists, then we are just easy and that is the reason why we are sitting at this place on a Sunday afternoon willing to give our numbers to just about anyone who ask. “So what’s wrong with having options?” Absolutely nothing I said but as for me I want what I want and it’s definitely not this that I see here.in as much as it will not be like how it was back in the days of our parents but a man will certainly have to try harder than just leaving his number at my table and expect me to call him. It has always been a men’s world and it will continue to be so forever hence a guy should do the chasing and try to wow me. “Well then you have a long way my friend, heres to you singing along to all the single ladies by Beyonce while shes curled up in Jay’s arms”, Fine I said.

SH: In all honestly friend I know you like reality shows and stuff and you see this all the time.

AM: I do and just because I watch them it doesn’t mean I believe in what they are trying to sell

SH: Which is?

AM: That women should beg men to be in relationships with them because it’s hard to find the good ones.

SH: Look at the bachelor for instance, don’t you think it’s worth a go?

AM: Only if I will be the bachelorette and get to elect and not be chosen and utter long speeches on how I think I am the best women for him because oh well I am just me

SH: I give up on you.

AM: I know, even I have given up on myself a long time ago how’s that?

I am going to say this again I want what I want and I want it the way I want it. I am willing to compromise on certain things I don’t believe that I am perfect neither am I looking for am Mr perfect maybe I AM BUT a Mr Perfect for me. Yinile zaqala nini ngoku Irelationships uba zi Job interviews where you have to sit there like a Berger trumpeting your own horn, like how you can turn stones into bread and feed the entire Nkandla. And why they should pick you over other applicants who are as experienced and qualified as you. It’s exhausting .If it’s not the media promoting 10 ways to catch a guy and keep him, it’s your auntie Wilehmina telling you that you will grow old single because you are very finicky, it’s the guy next door asking you what is wrong with you why are you single? The elder at church keeps reminding you that maybe you did not do the Danielle fast proper otherwise God would have answered by now.


Wanting what I want in a world where individual lives are bent out of shape by external factors…



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